When I think back to my life, there were so many times when I talked myself out of my deeply desired dreams. The kind of dreams that kindled something deep within me – and made me feel alive. The kind of dreams that flushed my face with excitement and my eyes sparkle with energy.
But they also scared me. Perhaps it was the risks involved. Perhaps it was the uncertainty of the road ahead. And perhaps it was, like Marianne Williamson said, my “light not my darkness that most frightened me”.
And so I let those dreams go. And when I did, I always felt that initial release of fear, like I’d just escaped impending disaster, but then lived with the pain of lasting regret. Over and over again.
Overtime I noticed that those who went after their big dreams were not always (nor even often) those who were any more qualified or competent than I was. Many of them had very real external obstacles to their success (that I didn’t), but they managed to overcome them.
I didn’t. And overtime, the regrets accumulated, and the burden of a life lived in neutral became too heavy to bear. And that is when I turned to science to help me find my way out.
I spent many years studying what keeps us stuck, and how self-worth grows. And what I found was that the difference between those who go after their big dreams and those who don’t, doesn’t lie in the bigness or boldness of their dreams. It doesn’t even lie in the self-doubts that chatter on, or the fears that emerge.
It lies in the fact that they take action despite their fears. They acknowledge the voice of fear and of self-doubt – give it only the amount of attention it deserves, modify their plan of action sometimes, BUT THEY ALWAYS TAKE ACTION.
And that’s when the magic happens. Because once they do, they build their reservoir of past successes that fuel them with confidence for even bigger dreams. It’s the secret to their growth and success.
Those who don’t, have nothing real to hold onto. Instead they feed their negative beliefs and strengthen them through self-confirmation biases. Initially, a part of them struggles to accept these beliefs – they KNOW they’re capable of more, yet unable to do anything about it. But eventually, the force of their negative beliefs pulls them in, and give in to the diminished life stories they wrote unawares.
I wish I’d known that every time I gave in to the rising fears, I was feeding my low self-worth. I wish I’d known that every time I believed my self-doubts and self-criticisms, I was writing a lesser script for my life. And I wish more than ever, that I’d had a structured system in place that helped me take action even while the emotional turmoil bombarded me.
Now I do! And I use it not only on myself (because building self-worth is about managing our fears, not wishing them away), but also on hundreds of wonderful women looking to move past their inner obstacles and show up fully in life.
It helps us take action despite the fears, by aligning our whole self so we’re grounded with courage and inner strength in the pursuit of our goals and dreams. Charisma is the outward expression of this inner alignment. And nothing draws people more than someone acting in alignment with who they are.
So let me ask you:
Have there been times when you’ve talked yourself out of your dreams?
Have there been times when you’ve procrastinated on important goals?
Have their been times when you’ve doubted the bigness of your dreams or the strength of your capabilities?
If you’re like most people, I think you’d be nodding right now. Because the truth is, if it were that easy to pursue our big dreams, we would all be living our boldest, truest lives right now.
All of us are wired to avoid the things that could lead to potential harm. We’re wired to listen to our fears and run away from that hungry tiger looming around the corner – which is also why there are oodles of us roaming the planet today!
But we’re also wired to want to grow and achieve. We’re also wired to want to move out of ourselves and make a difference to others. And when we don’t, we get reduced by the pain of half-lived lives, and stuck in the chasm between where we are, and where we were born to be.
If you’re avoiding the goals and dreams that speak to you, then stop waiting for your life to begin, and take the first step. The longer you wait the harder it’ll be to do so.